


If I Live

by Lalit



Category: Naruto
Genre: BAMF Haruno Sakura, Because I suck, Creepy Orochimaru (Naruto), Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Does It Count As Hurt/Comfort If The Comfort Is Coming From An Evil Villain?, Haruno Sakura-centric, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, If It’s Hurting You It’s Probably Hurting Me More™, Morally Ambiguous Characters, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Remember, Sakura gets the cursed seal, Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto Friendship, and everything goes to hell from there, and theres never enough suffering so, but she kind of loses her mind first so, darkish au, eventual, everyone suffers a bit, graphic depictions of writer's block, i am garbage, lots of fucking swearing, lowkey insane sakura, she gets better later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2018-10-03 00:28:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10231457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lalit/pseuds/Lalit
Summary: Every action has a consequence. It took one girl to screw all of Orochimaru's plans up, and nothing will ever be the same. "Look at you, such bloodlust. Darkness is a lovely shade on you, my dear." Major AU [Morally Ambiguous Dark(ish) Sakura] Mid-Chunin Exams onward. Cross-Posted on Fanfiction.net. Review, or whatever.





	1. Chapter 1

In The Beginning | Every Second Count's

_I'm going to die._

Sakura Haruno, to put it gently, was not feeling very confident.

Team 7 wasn't even an hour into the Exam and everything already seemed to be going to hell. First Naruto managed to get himself caught - five minutes in mind you - and they almost lost their scroll, and then they just so happened to run into the worlds _biggest fucking spider._

She still cringed when she thought of all of those gleaming eyes following her every move.

Luckily, the three teens managed to get away unscathed for the most part and now they sat in the undergrowth, all huddled much closer than they had ever been before.

"We can't just trust appearances. We have to know if each of us really is who we say we are." Sasuke was saying, after their first run in with another participant it became scarily clear that they couldn't trust on looks alone, it nearly got them killed twice now.

_Cute little spider my ass._

The pink-haired ninja sent a scathing glare at Naruto, who still looked rather sheepish about the whole ordeal from earlier. They were just coming to the startling realization that they might be more or less outclassed.

"Alright," Naruto shrugged, rocking back in forth from where he sat in the dirt. "So what do you suppose we do, Oh Wise One?"

"We need a password, one that we only know – the three of us." Sasuke stared intently at the mossy ground, a frown marring his sharp features. Sakura mirrored his frown, while Inner was squealing about how cute Sasuke-kun was even in dire situations, she was not quite sure if they should be wasting time with passwords and such when they could be searching for a scroll.

Then again, when was Sasuke-kun wrong?

"When does a Ninja strike?" She asked tentatively, Sasuke nodded.

"Uh, what's that?" Naruto looked like a lost puppy, Sakura rolled her eyes.

"It was in one the first lessons Iruka-Sensei went over with us at the Academy." Sakura explained shortly. She wasn't quite sure if it was a good idea to use something so universally known as a password, but she wasn't really going to tell Sasuke-kun otherwise.

"Right," Naruto looked rather lost.

"That'll be the question," Sasuke looked at both of them. "The answer is; A Ninja waits until the time is right, when the enemy sleeps and drops his guard, when his weapons lie forgotten in the stillness of the night. That is the moment for a Ninja to strike."

Sakura nodded in understanding. Naruto looked more confused than ever.

"Do you maybe, have anything shorter than that?" Sasuke turned to glare at their teammate.

"No, Dobe!" The Uchiha hissed.

"Alright, alright! I just thought it was gonna be a password, not a pass speech." Naruto looked away glumly while mumbling about Sasuke being a Teme.

They all settled back for a second, clearly content to have a moment to relax when Sakura realized how...oddly quiet the forest had suddenly become.

Just when the female on the team was about to voice her concern, a kunai swept through the air – slicing open Naruto's right cheek in the process.

"What the hell was that?!" The blonde gasped, jumping up.

"Move!" Sasuke screamed as a monstrous burst of wind flew at Team 7, tearing up the ground and trees alike before sending them all flying in different directions.

Sakura yelped as she was sent hurtling into a nearby tree. She slammed into the tree so hard she felt something pop, and then she was falling down to meet the hard ground.

Stars and black spots alike marred her usually perfect vision for what felt like ages. Sakura lay very still as her back throbbed painfully. She squeezed her eyes shut and didn't open them until she felt more steady.

A pale face was hovering above her own.

With a startled scream Sakura shoved herself backward from Sasuke, knocking the teen down in the process. He threw her an indignant look.

"Sakura?" He breathed out a sigh of relief despite his clear annoyance at being pushed away. The girl in question slowly stood up on shaky legs.

"Sasuke-kun, thank goodness, where's Naruto?" She moved to take a step towards him, but the Uchiha slipped into a fighting stance.

"First give me the password, Sakura." She saw his fingers twitch to where his weapons pouch lay and the answer bubbled past her lips instantly.

Sasuke's stance relaxed and he stepped a little closer to her. "Are you alright?" He asked. Sakura shrugged weakly.

"As good as I can be after trying to fly." The sarcasm that dripped from her voice made the usually stoic boy twitch.

"Hey, guys!" Naruto came running up behind them, grinning and waving as he went.

"Naruto, stop! First, give us the password." Sakura pulled out a kunai and backed up a step so she was closer to Sasuke.

"Oh! Of course, A Ninja waits until the time is right, when the enemy sleeps and drops his guard, when his weapons lie forgotten in the stillness of the night. That is the moment for a Ninja to strike!" Naruto finished with a hundred watt smile.

**_Something doesn't seem right! Cha! There's no way that idiot could remember!_ **

Sakura glanced at Sasuke, who nodded. As one they both threw their kunai towards Naruto, who rolled out of the way rather gracefully.

"What the hell?!" He yelled.

"I'll admit it; you're faster than the last one!" Sasuke sneered as he took a step forward, placing himself in front of Sakura.

"What are you guys talking about!?" The Naruto-Wanna-Be screamed.

Sakura stepped forward, standing beside Sasuke. She wanted him to see her as an equal, no matter how happy she was that he wanted to protect her.

"Naruto wouldn't have ever gotten that all right, that's why we made the password." Sakura grinned at the enemy.

"We knew you were listening." Sasuke finished for her – sporting his own little smirk.

There was a puff of smoke, and where Naruto once stood, was now a woman. An ugly woman at that.

"Aren't we the clever ones," She leered at the pair, and the rosette found herself taking a step back. "This should be interesting, when it's all over, only one of us will be alive." The lady grinned at them both, and then, the world turned red.

_Is this genjutsu?!_

Flashes presented themselves to Sakura and Sasuke – images of them both broken and bloody; of them both dead.

Sakura screamed as she fell to her knees, shaking and gasping for air as she went. It all seemed so _real,_ the pain, the blood, the fear, it all felt so real she was certain she was going to puke.

"S-Sakura?" Someone was speaking to her in the distance, so far off that the girl was almost certain it wasn't real. The rosette didn't answer; her whole body shook as tears streamed down her face. The woman let out a cruel laugh.

"You're both paralyzed with fear," She clicked her tongue. "This was disappointing." She sighed, pulling out two kunai.

 _No, I have to…move…I have to…do something…anything…come on, Sasuke!_ He let out a roar as he pulled out his own kunai, and shoved it deep into his own thigh as the woman threw her weapons at both of them.

When Sakura actually snapped out of the genjutsu's after effects, she was on a tree branch, with Sasuke in front of her, panting, and bleeding. _When did Sasuke-kun get hurt?_ She leaned forward, opening and closing her mouth like a gaping fish.

"Sasuke-kun, w-what happened?" The dark haired boy didn't answer his pink haired comrade. Instead, he looked around crazily, his hands twitching.

"Sasuke-" His hand clapped over her mouth painfully. Sakura's eyes widened.

 _I've never seen Sasuke-kun so scared before, was it because of the genjutsu? What did he see? What can I do…where's Naruto?_ She swallowed hard as a shadow fell over them.

Turning her head slowly, Sakura caught sight of the biggest snake she had ever seen in her life. It was rearing back, ready to strike.

"Hmph!" She tried to pull his hand from her mouth, but he wouldn't budge. Sakura jerked her head back and cried out desperately.

"Snake!" Sasuke turned in time to see the giant head flying down towards them. Quickly, he grabbed Sakura by her wrist and jerked them both up into the air with chakra laced through his feet for an extra push.

 _I didn't notice it._ Sasuke's free hand balled into a fist. _I'm losing it; I've got to get a grip!_

The snake wound around a tree branch and lunged at them. For a moment, Sakura could have sworn it looked like that woman and with that thought in mind, she let Sasuke pull her around.

"NO!" Sasuke twisted in the air, using his free hand to gather four shuriken and throw them towards the monster's eyes, momentarily blinding it so he could escape with Sakura a good four branches away.

To his surprise, the snake fell dead. Sasuke was gasping for breath as he pulled Sakura closer to him, ready for another fast escape with her if needed.

Sakura was shaking; she had never been this scared before, not even when they faced Zabuza. She honestly wasn't sure if they would make it away from this crazy woman, and it didn't help that Naruto was missing.

Sakura screamed as the woman sprouted from the Snakes corpse.

"I sense your _fear_ and _desperation_ ," The woman grinned, showing unnaturally sharp teeth. "It's only natural; the _prey_ must never let down its guard, in the presence of its _predator._ " The laugh that followed made Sakura shiver in fear.

This woman had to be insane, how could they let people like this in the Exams? She was a killer. She was trying to **kill** them! Sasuke had released Sakura and started to edge back, further away from the psycho.

"Perhaps I'll start out with your pretty little friend, eh?" She laughed again.

The woman suddenly shot forward, her own body winding around the tree branch like a snake would. Sakura screamed again as her hand snaked (no pun intended) around the rosettes ankle, jerking her forward – away from the stunned Uchiha – as the woman's freakish tongue slithered out to wrap around the smaller girl's wrist.

"S-Sasuke-kun, help me!" She cried out, twisting in the woman's grip as she was pulled closer. Sakura could feel tears' burning the corners of her eyes as she realized her crush wasn't even moving, he was just staring on in fear.

_Sasuke!_

Hopelessness was closing in on her like a dark cloud and she could see the same in the Uchiha's eyes. When prey cannot beat the predator it flees. Doubt flickered in dark eyes and the boy edged backward once more.

Sakura opened her mouth the scream again at the stupid boy when suddenly four kunai were embedded into the branch that was separating the woman from Sakura. The dark haired female maneuvered easily away from the weapon's though, and all eyes were directed up, towards the blue eyed, blonde haired Ninja, who stood on a branch above all of them.

"Naruto!" Sakura was practically sobbing in relief.

"Let her go!" The blond bellowed, pulling out another kunai and getting into a fighting stance. Rage made his usual sky blue eyes look like rolling storm clouds.

Sasuke shook his head.

"What are you doing Dobe? Get out of here while you can!" Sasuke was yelling desperately. Naruto stared at his teammate like he was insane.

"Teme, you're just gonna let that – that _thing_ grab Sakura-Chan like that?!" Naruto practically hissed at him. "Why are you acting like such a **coward**?"

Sasuke growled back in response. "Just let me handle it!" The Uchiha turned towards the snake woman, resolve to set his features with a grim kind of determination. "You can have it, just let her go." Sasuke reached back, and pulled out their Heaven Scroll, ignoring Naruto's protests.

The woman chuckled as her tongue slithered up Sakura's body ever so slowly until it reached her cheek and began to creases it in what would have been a soothing manner if it wasn't completely disgusting and creepy.

Sakura let out a whimper.

Naruto snarled.

Sasuke paled.

"Very _sensible_ and _wise_ ," The woman began. Sakura wondered how she could talk with her tongue growing teen feet out of her mouth. "Sometimes, to save their own skin, the prey must sacrifice something even more important to distract the predator." She chuckled as Sasuke threw the scroll towards her.

Naruto caught it mid throw.

"Stop playing the damn hero Nar-" The blonde's fist stopped the Uchiha from speaking.

"Li **ar** ," Naruto sneered, azure eyes flickering red. "You may look like him, and sound like him, but you're **not** the Sasuke I know, you've never been like this, you've turned into a **coward** , you've never choked like this! **Snap out of it, Sasuke!** " He finished, gasping for air.

The snake woman suddenly pulled Sakura right up against her, the tongue retracting with a strange _slurp_ sound.

"Kukuku, sad, but true," She laughed as Sakura wiggled around helplessly. "It doesn't matter; as far as the scroll goes I could just kill you and take it." She stood with one arm around Sakura's waist - effectively keeping the young girl in place - the woman nudged her thumb into Sakura's mouth.

The girl flinched as the woman spoke softly into her ear. _"Bite."_

Viciously Sakura locked her teeth onto the woman thumb - hard enough to draw blood, she noticed with a touch of satisfaction. The woman shuddered against Sakura as she withdrew her digit from the girls mouth smearing blood on her pale lips, and ran it down the middle of her tattooed arm.

"Sasuke-Kun! Naruto! Help!" Sakura cried, actual tears sliding down her cheeks. Taking twenty baths after this exam was on Sakura's to-do-list for sure.

_Wait…I'm a girl. I have…she doesn't…oh._

_**It's a dude. We're being molested.** _

_Kami help me._

"S-she's a he!" She squeaked – but her teammates didn't hear her, though the woman-man-thing did. It chuckled and nipped at her ear. She screamed again.

"Sakura!" Naruto hollered as a giant puff of smoke blinded him for a moment. The next thing he knew he was staring at a giant snake. Sakura was being held behind the woman, seemingly tied up by one long but small snake that was twisting around her body and cutting off her air supply.

"Let her go!" The blonde yelled again, charging the woman once more with his weapon raised. The snake batted him away like he was nothing more than a stick.

"Naruto," Sasuke stared with wide eyes as he friend slammed into a branch, and fell limp. Sakura was gasping for air, her face turning red.

"D-do…some…s-something…Sas…uke…" She choked the words out desperately, tears streaming down her face.

Sasuke looked between his two closest friends, and suddenly, his fear was gone.

 _I need to protect them. I can't let them get hurt because I was too…weak._ The words his brother would say echoed in his mind, and with that resolve Sasuke charged without another thought, throwing more kunai towards the snake. The large serpent was too big to move out of the way, and soon it joined it's brethren on the tree – dead and bleeding.

Sasuke caught Sakura before she slipped off of the snakes large head. Carefully, he cut her free of the other snake and pulled her back to safety, before turning back towards the woman.

"I won't let you hurt my friends." The Uchiha snarled, rage darkening his pale features as his eyes bled into red, before attacking.

Sakura wheezed and gulped down the air around her greedily as she watched the ongoing battle. She felt beat up and violated, but she couldn't leave Sasuke-Kun alone to face that…thing. They hadn't abandoned her, she couldn't abandon them.

Shakily she stood, and jumped into the battle.

The enemy swung towards Sasuke so fast that his limbs moved in a blur just as Sakura landed behind her Teammate, she grabbed his shirt and yanked him out of the way. Sasuke sent a thankful look towards the pink haired girl before rolling out of the way to avoid a kunai.

"You've become rather troublesome," The man whispered, appearing behind the girl while one hand gathering Sakura's hair up and the other wrapped around her neck.

"Sakura," Sasuke took a step forward, but the man-thing, squeezed her neck tighter – cutting off her air ways again.

**This is a passing trend I don't quite agree with.**

"Kukuku, Sakura, how fitting." The man pulled her head back further, exposing her neck.

_Is he going to kill me?_

She felt her knees go out at the thought, her breath coming in gasps. His hand fell away from her throat, and Sakura started to cough and sputter, the man was too caught up in enjoying Sasuke's reactions to notice when she pulled out a kunai.

_Have to get away. Have to help Sasuke, I have too…_

"Sakura, what are you doing…" Sasuke's eyes widened as she swept the sharp weapon back, slicing through her hair like it was nothing. The man gaped at the girl, and was too surprised to notice when she shifted slightly, and stabbed the kunai down into his foot.

He let out an enraged roar, and kicked the girl away towards an awaiting Uchiha's arms. Carefully, he moved Sakura behind him, and moved forward, making hand seals the enemy swept down to pull the kunai from his foot.

" **Fire Style:** **Dragon Flame Jutsu!** " Sasuke roared as fire shot from his mouth, hitting the man in his moment of weakness and making him fly backwards into the tree.

The man screamed in agony as his face seemed to melt until the flames died down, and all was silent.

Sasuke stumbled and fell to his knees, but Sakura was beside him in a second.

"You did you, Sasuke-kun!" She smiled at him, and he managed a shaky half smile back as he leaned on his teammate.

" **Paralysis Jutsu!** " Sakura gasped as she fell to her knees, and Sasuke let out a scream of frustration.

"Not possible!" He cried, trying to stand up straight.

"Such skill at such a young age," The man's voice turned deeper, and it almost looked like his face was falling off. "You are a true Uchiha." He chuckled.

Sakura felt like there were weights being pressed down onto her. She gasped for breath as her arms shook, fighting to keep her up and not pressed against the tree.

"You'll do nicely, you're definitely _his_ brother." Sasuke let out another yell.

_What do I do? He's going to hurt Sasuke-kun, what do I do!_

_**You've got to move!** _

"Who are you?" She cried out.

"What do you want!?" Sasuke echoed.

He laughed. "My name is Orochimaru, but as too what I want, that will have to wait until we meet again, and that won't happen until you finish this test with the best score of all." He held up their Heaven scroll that he had gotten from Naruto at some point in the battle, and set fire to it.

"No!" Sakura cried out, pushing herself up higher. "I don't know what you want, but you can just beat it! If we never meet again it'll be too soon!" The girl snarled, showing more violence than what Sasuke was used too, and he glanced down at his teammate in surprise.

The man laughed. "Oh but we will," Suddenly, his neck expanded, and his head was shooting right towards Sasuke.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion. Sakura could taste copper in her mouth as something swelled in her chest.

_**No! What are you doing! MOVE YOUR DAMN LEGS!** _

All at once, the weights were gone, and she jumped forward, pushing Sasuke out of the way. Breath fanned over her neck, and then, she felt teeth sinking into her skin.

"Sakura!" Sasuke tried to move forward to help her, but he couldn't, the Jutsu still had a hold on him and he was now sprawled on his side, staring up in horror at the scene before him.

Pain exploded in her neck, traveling down her shoulders and through her body as the man pulled away, his face twisting in rage. As soon as his head was back on his body – the way it should be – he jumped forward, catching Sakura before she crumbled to the ground.

"Foolish girl!" Orochimaru seethed, grabbing her chin and twisting it to the side so he could get a better look at the now forming Curse Mark. The pink haired brat had got in the way, she had ruined his only chance to take the damn Uchiha.

Sakura let out a scream of pure and utter agony as her body convulsed.

Sasuke cried out for him to get away from her, but for once, he was ignored by the Sannin who turned Sakura so she could look at him.

"You are going to die," He snarled, his nails digging into the girls quickly paling skin. She reared back in her pain, breaking from his hold and snapping her teeth harshly onto the mans fingers. Warm blood slipped into her mouth and down her throat, making the girl choke as he hissed in pain. Though something akin to interest flickered in his golden eyes.

"If you do not…I will be back to collect you." He chuckled, before letting her fall to the ground, where the pink haired girl withered.

"What did you do to her!?" Sasuke yelled. Orochimaru turned towards the Genin with a frown. He didn't have enough chakra to put a Curse Mark on the boy now, and if he did it was unlikely that either of them would live, it would have to be another time.

"A gift that was meant for you, however, if she lives…" He smirked at the boy as he slowly sunk into the earth, leaving Team 7 with chilling parting words.

"I _will_ be back." Then he was gone.

Sasuke could move again, and he rushed to Sakura's side as she let out another scream. He grabbed her hand, letting her cling to him as she cried.

"Sakura, Sakura you'll be okay! Kami, what did he do to you…" Sasuke pulled her closer showing true concern for his friend as he tried to comfort her.

One more pain filled scream, and then Sakura's world went dark.

"Sakura?! Sakura, wake up! Open your eyes!" He looked over desperately at Naruto, who hadn't moved from his fall at all.

Sasuke was alone, and he didn't know what to do.

. 

.

.

tsuzuku

 


	2. Here I Lay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We all make choices, but in the end our choices make us.”   
> ― Ken Levine

Here I Lay | In This Darkness

It was raining.

Team 7 wasn't exactly off to a good start in the Chunin Exams. Now having been attacked three times the team was down by two. One was passed out from a hit that was landed a little too hard, while the other was in some sort of fever induced coma. To put it shortly, things were looking grim.

And now it was pouring down rain.

Sasuke Uchiha had been top of his class at the Academy, number one rookie of the year. The girl he was currently dotting over had been the number one kunoichi in their class, her book smarts making up for what she lacked in physical strength. However, the blonde haired boy beside Sakura had been dead last, number one loser of the year.

They had made an unlikely team, but they were a team nonetheless. Naruto fought to protect Sakura, Sakura fought to protect Sasuke, Sasuke fought to protect them both.

It should have been him on the ground with a horrible fever, it should have been him writhing in pain and screaming for help, but the girl that claimed to love him had somehow taken his place, and he was suddenly absolutely terrified at the thought of losing her when he had already lost so much.

It wasn't fair.

"Sakura," Sasuke held the limp hand of said girl, watching her face twist in pain. "Please, don't die." The rosette had been waking up and passing out for the past five hours now, rolling around, clawing at her neck and screaming in pure agony before grabbing Sasuke's waiting hand and falling back into darkness.

After their battle with Orochimaru he had gathered both his teammates up by making one shadow clone – one was all he could manage after Naruto had tried to teach him the Jutsu.

The clone had pulled Naruto onto his back while the original Uchiha had gathered Sakura into his arms, and they dashed into the forest, looking for shelter from the gathering storm overhead.

They had found their shelter under a large tree that seemed to rise out of the ground – creating an arc. The back of the little wooden tree cave was blocked off by stone, while the front was covered in moss, hiding the three teens from sight.

Sasuke was certain it was the rain and Sakura's agonized screams that kept enemies away, most of them too frightened of what could cause such screams to try and find out where they were coming from.

"Don't die," He whispered softly, bowing his head slightly and resting his cold cheek against the girls burning hand.

He couldn't let her die.

_Please._

_[If I Live]_

The darkness wrapped around her, covering her in a cold blanket of despair.

The darkness numbed Sakura, as she drifted in what seemed to be a never-ending abyss.

She felt lost. Oh so lost, in the middle of nowhere, stumbling around with her arms outstretched, wondering if she'll bump into a wall, or into a monster from her worst nightmare, wondering if maybe she'll step a little too far, and slip over the edge. She knew if she fell here she would never land again.

_(Does this darkness have a name?)_

She felt like she was drowning, warm liquid filling her lungs. It was thick, making it hard to move, hard to breathe. It was thick like blood.

_(This Cruelty. This hatred.)_

The darkness was becoming denser, harder to see through. She could barely walk, how had she ended up like this? A voice in the back of her head was screaming.

_(How did it find us?)_

Where were Sasuke and Naruto? Were they both here as well, lost and confused?

_(Did it steal into our lives?)_

Flashes of Sasuke declaring revenge, of Naruto sitting on a swing all alone, of her, crying over dead, wilted flowers.

_(Or did we seek it out and embrace it?)_

Sasuke's angry glares, Naruto's ambitions to become noticed, her weaknesses.

_(What happened to us? That we now send our children into the world like we send young men to war.)_

Sob's had shaken the small child's form as she crouched over the new grave, glaring at the name engraving, begging for it to be a lie.

_(Hoping for their safe return, but knowing some will be lost along the way.)_

Rain falling down as a four-year-old cried out for her brother, clawing at the damp earth that he was meant to lay beneath. A body had never been found, though. It was a hole in the earth meant to comfort his civilian family.

_(When did we lose our way?)_

Sakura thrashed around in the darkness, crying out for help, wishing for the memories to go and never return.

_(Consumed by the shadows, swallowed whole by the darkness.)_

She could feel it picking at her like her light was slowly fading away, bowing down and giving in to the evil that threatened to overtake her.

_(Does this darkness have a name?)_

Cruel laughter filled the air, bouncing off the none existent walls and echoing back to Sakura's ears, never ending, making her feel as if she would go insane.

_(Is it your name?)_

"Oro...chi…maru…" His name was not uttered in fear, in the call of mercy, but instead, in a whisper of help.

" **Weak,"** Someone laughed; Sakura shuddered as cold fingers brushed across her burning shoulder. **"Do you want power?"** The voice hissed like a snake.

She tried to push against the darkness.

" **So weak, you couldn't even save your brother."** The voice dripped with disappointment.

_**He's right…** _

Sakura reared back at the sound of Inners defeat. Her fight against the darkness flattered.

Was he right?

_[If I Live]_

Sasuke let out a small breath; he had been up all night caring for Sakura, taking care of that fever of hers, and trying to keep her safe. He wasn't sure why Naruto was still out, nothing he did would wake the idiot up.

He was exhausted, he needed sleep, but no sleep would come.

Three sets of footsteps were coming closer. Sasuke's heart rate picked up as he peeked from under the moss, watching the three Sound Ninja wearily. Orochimaru had been from sound too.

"We know you're there," The one covered in wrappings called out. "We're here for the girl, Uchiha." Sasuke's eyes narrowed.

Why Sakura? If she hadn't jumped in the way, would it be him that they would be after? It didn't make sense, what did Orochimaru do to her? Making a last minute choice, Sasuke rose to his feet and strode out of his hiding place, his head held eye and face set in an emotionless mask.

"You're not getting her." He said coldly, observing the three Ninja and how they tensed as he stepped into view.

"We have direct orders kid, give her to us or watch half dead as we walk away with her." The tallest sneered, glaring at Sasuke.

"No," He replied simply, before slipping into a fighting stance. "Not a chance." His eyes narrowed.

Sasuke Uchiha had already lost so much, he lost his family, his clan, he couldn't lose anything else. He would fight to protect Sakura, it was the least he could do for her after she saved him from the fate she was now suffering.

Because of the three Sound Ninja, Sasuke missed how dark chakra started to pool out of the mark on Sakura's neck, and how the air around her crackled slightly like lightning had hit nearby. she whispered Orochimaru's name in complete and utter desperation – as if asking for help as if he would save her.

 

_[If I Live]_

" **I can give you power,"** Sakura gasped in surprise as two amber eyes shined through the darkness, staring at her. They reminded her of snake eyes. Flashes of Snakes as large as a house made the young girl cringe back.

A pale face followed the eyes, and soon, the whole man stood there, holding a hand out to her, it was an offering.

" **You were too weak to save your own brother, to help your teammates, to win the affections of the one you desire."** The man chuckled darkly.

Could she bring herself to say no to what he was offering? One side of her wanted to scream and hit the man, she could tell the 'power' he was offering was complete and utter evil, but another part of her hesitated.

If she accepted, maybe she could help Naruto and Sasuke; maybe she could do something more maybe…

Sakura struggled weakly against the darkness that held her in place in front of the man, it was unrelenting. She fell to her knees, the darkness was too strong. Orochimaru crouched in front of her.

Maybe…

" **Can you really turn down the chance?"** His amber eyes narrowed.

The chance to…

Sakura stared up at his molten eyes that shined like beacons in the darkness, a way of hope.

The chance to catch up to Naruto and Sasuke-kun.

To not be overlooked.

To make sure she never lost another loved one.

_**Are you sure about that? About this path you'll take if you accept?** _

_Yes! I_ am _weak! All I've ever done is sit back and watch Naruto and Sasuke move on ahead of me. I claim to know more than Naruto, to be madly in love with Sasuke, but it's all just empty words!_

Sakura felt her skin prickle as an odd sensation washed over her. Her heart stuttered and flattered for a second.

_I have to do this. I have to become stronger or I'll always be watching from the sidelines, I'll never be able to protect anyone, I'll always be the one protected, I can't give up._

**_Then stand up. If you accept this path, then stand._ **

A violent shudder ripped through Sakura's body, and somehow she found the strength to stand up in the darkness, to push herself higher until she could stand.

_Yes, I accept that path._

The evil man before her grinned, his sharp teeth gleaming in the darkness as he offered his hand to her once more.

Her heart beat stronger than it ever had before. It beat with a purpose.

_[If I Live]_

Sasuke hit the ground hard and rolled, avoiding two kunai but getting grazed with a third. His world spun and his ears bled. He dry heaved as the high-pitched sound waves assaulted his ears once more.

He was losing, that wasn't right, how could he be losing to these guys?

He pushed himself back up right before one of them – Zaku, was it? – kicked him in the stomach, making him spit up some blood as he slid across the ground, mud splashed and stuck against his pale skin.

"This really all you got?" Zaku laughed, and sent Sasuke flying into a tree with a gush of wind from his hands.

The Uchiha crumbled to the ground.

"Pathetic," The bandaged boy sighed and shook his head.

"We were hoping for more of a challenge." Kin mumbled, leaning against a tree calmly.

It was raining lightly. Sasuke slowly pushed himself up, spitting out some blood and glaring at all three of them. He tensed as Zaku made a move to hit him again, but a voice stopped the attack.

"If that's the case, then you should have looked for us." All four Sound Ninja jerked back in surprise and looked up towards the tree line.

Neji Hyūga stood calmly with his arms crossed in a tree, his teammates Tenten and Lee beside him. A branch below them, stood Ino, Shikamaru, and Choji, who all looked much less confident than the team above them.

Ino had tears streaming down her face, partly out of fear, and partly out of seeing her crush get beaten up.

The first team was much more threatening than the second team that much was for sure. The sound-nin nearly laughed aloud.

_[If I Live]_

"The snake which cannot cast its skin has to die. As well the minds which are prevented from changing their opinions; they cease to be mind." Orochimaru chuckled as Kabuto turned towards him, looking confused.

He had felt the new flare of chakra on his skin, leaving a tingling sensation behind. The girl had actually survived. Perhaps she had more talent than he had first thought.

"She lived," He said simply, enjoying how Kabuto's eyes flashed in surprise.

"What will you do with her then, My Lord? After all you used the new seal on her; we don't know how the Cursed Mark of Lightening will react. " The younger man raised an eyebrow. He couldn't help but wonder what in the world his master was planning.

"She is mine now; I, of course, will claim what is mine." He pushed away from the tree he had been leaning against with ease, and then he hesitated. "It will be your job to watch the seals progress." He said simply.

"Perhaps with time I will be able to also collect the boy," The Sannin titled his head to the side. The two of them together, for him and him alone. The thought made him run his tongue over his lips in anticipation.

"I can't wait to see what she will be capable of." Orochimaru chuckled, before waving a hand towards the gray haired boy.

"You know what to do, go." Kabuto bowed, before disappearing in a swirl of leafs.

.

.

.

tsuzuku

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey! Thanks for the kudos and comments everyone, they are very appreciated. Since this story is cross-posted on fanfiction.net I'll be catching up the chapters. There a total of 4 right now, so two today and two tomorrow. After that, I'll be posting each new chapter on the same day I update on the other site (hopefully) which is about every week on Mondays, though sometimes it takes two weeks to push out a good chapter. 
> 
> This is a dark(ish) AU that goes from the exams onward, and the further this gets into the story the more things will change. That being said I skim over some of the more bland spots of the exam because there isn't much I change for with them right now. Hang in there, in the coming chapters there will be big things on the way. 
> 
> After each chapter, I ask a question and would love to get answers, so I get to know more about my readers and what they like from cannon. For the next three to four chapters on Fanfiction.net for every 10 reviews I'll be sending snippets from future chapters. Nothing that would give away too much but stuff you all would enjoy none the less! My current goal on fanfiction.net is to get to 100 reviews, so if at least 10 peoples participate I can meet that goal! 
> 
> That being said, if anyone is interested in doing the same little give away on here please let me know in the comments. Thank you for reading!


	3. Living Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There will be killing till the score is paid.”   
> ― Homer, The Odyssey
> 
> Chapter Warnings: Brief descriptions of violence and light gore.

I am Here | Living Hell

They say when you stare into the abyss that it will stare back.

_[If I Live]_

Sasuke Uchiha was having a _very_ bad day.

Or life, if one wished to be overly cynical regarding such matters. None the less, what he was not expecting was for the exams to go so bad at such an alarming rate. Of course, something would go wrong - Team 7 was a magnet for danger after all - but how could he have expected that it could get _this bad._ One would suppose that it didn't matter much anymore. What's done is done, after all.

The only small issue with that was that the disaster wasn't exactly done.

"You Konoha brats are a bunch of cockroaches." Sneered one of the Sound-nin.

One by one the young Ninja were falling into fighting stances, Lee landing beside Sasuke's battered form. The youths smile was near blinding as he swore to protect the Uchiha and his team with his life. Though, the very sight of the green clad boy seemed to invoke the urge to vomit for Sasuke. The fact that he hadn't eaten in two days and didn't much have the energy to perform the desired act were two of the many reasons why Sasuke ignored the urge and instead settled on a directing a death glare towards everyone who came to his aid.

"I don't need help!" The boy snarled, onyx eyes swirling with red.

He could protect his own team dammit! If he couldn't then what could he do? He was supposed to be the best, the strongest. These people couldn't just march in on his battle. Despite the logical part of him screaming that _he couldn't possibly win,_ there was a louder voice screaming _this was his fight and he could finish it!_

All eyes were on the dark-haired boy as he slowly rose to his feet, weapons in each of his hands and an ugly expression marring his pale features.

If he couldn't win here, what chance did he possibly have with _That Man?_

Sasuke summoned chakra into the soles of his feet, legs tensing as he prepared to dart forward and end thi-

An explosion made the forest quiver.

_[If I Live]_

_Lighting has no mercy._

The pale man smiled slowly, sharp teeth poking out past too thin lips.

He could see it now, one tempered in flame while the other held all the rage of a lightning storm. The perfect team meant to shepherd destruction and chaos at his beck and call. Each in the palm of his hands.

He could bring the world to its knees in the blink of an eye. With this much power, Orochimaru would truly be immortal.

The ground beneath his feet trembled.

_[If I Live]_

The air crackled and fizzed; chakra as black as coal shot upwards, tearing apart the tree as if it was nothing more than tissue paper. In the aftermath of the sudden explosion, visible chakra slowly dimmed down to nothing but quaking swirls. A shadowed form stood in the wake of the desolation, the glow of something red hot against pale skin could be seen.

The electricity in the air made everyone's hair stand on end and Sasuke - who was closest to the sudden burst of power - gave an involuntary twitch.

Out of the diminishing shadows stepped a girl with candyfloss hair, her usual emerald eyes which often shone like kaleidoscopes of color were darkening to the point they looked like an abyss, anyone who looked too closely would surely be sucked in. The strange markings gave way to a shade of inky black as they settled more than half way across her body.

"Sasuke," The air hissed as she spoke. "Who?"

The boy in question went ridged, his shoulders hunching slightly as if to play off his injuries.

"Who did this to you, Sasuke?" Sakura asked calmly, but the promise of pain was weighing in on each word.

"Sakura, what happened to _you_?"

The Pinkett slowly turned towards Ino, who flinched back at her best friends cold expression. This was not Sakura; Haruno Sakura was the girl who cried when someone teased her about her appearance and Sakura was the girl who ran around wearing a pretty red ribbon to hold her hair up and _Sakura_ was the pure embodiment of love and affection and this _could not possibly_ be the Sakura Haruno who loved too deeply and cared for others with her entire soul.

"It's giving me what I desire." Was the murmured reply. She ignored the stares she received as she turned back to her teammate.

Sakura stared down at one of her hands, palm facing the sky before nails dug into soft skin. She ignored the stares she received as she turned back to her teammate.

"Who?" Was the simple demand that followed. The Uchiha stood a little straighter as he bit his tongue.

_This couldn't be her._

"I did it, I'm the one that busted up his pretty little fac-"

With a foreign burst of speed and a flash of that strange chakra, Sakura was suddenly in front of a startled Zaku. Black electricity danced across her twitching fingers as a strange grin twisted her pretty face into that of a monster.

Someone was screaming as the sound of flesh ripping echoed around the looming trees.

"Shi **nu** ," Sakura hissed, markings flaring red and shifting further across her body.

Zaku fell to the ground, a gaping hole in his chest.

_[If I Live]_

Anko didn't like having to host these stupid exams, and she didn't like the pit that had formed in her stomach ever since the Hokage told her she would be one of the proctors. Something just felt off about it all. It was like the shudder you felt after seeing something partially nasty or creepy; the hot-cold sensation that flashes across your entire body right before something awful happens.

_Those few seconds of silence before all hell breaks loose._

Anko liked knowing what was going to happen next (but really what Ninja didn't?) and this entire test felt like a bad set up to some awful joke she wasn't in on.

_It felt like a set-up._

None the less, she ignored the creeping discomfort that was sliding down her spine and coiling in her tummy for the more favorable option of heading towards the tower; she'd felt a strange prickle of chakra she hadn't thought (or hoped) she would ever be close to again, and there were two options on how to investigate.

Sometimes, Anko thought, there was no shame in being a coward.

_[If I Live]_

Silence reigned in the clearing now, minus the crackle of uncontrolled electricity.

Zaku convulsed on the ground, trying to breathe despite the opening in his chest cavity. Everyone else stood stunned as the black pigmented lightening danced across Sakura's body.

The girl in question had doubled over, gasping for breath, the markings on her shifting across alabaster skin as she fought to control the sudden surge of power.

Someone in the back of her head was screaming, and Sakura was more than certain that it was Inner. The screams sounded so full of pain and desperation and that it took all she had to push them into the back of her mind, shove them into the farthest corner she could find. Yet, even as Sakura straightened her back and turned impossibly cold eyes onto her next enemy, her ears still rang from the screams.

The hellscape her mind was quickly falling into did little to soothe the girl, and that's why she simply ignored the sudden whisper of a foreign voice in her ears, urging her to finish the job.

Sandles scrapped across the ground as she slowly made her way towards Kin, eyes shadowed by her bangs as Sakura moved at a placid pace, almost seeming to sway with each step. The killer intent that was seeping from the girl was enough to make everyone gag, and later Sakura would reminisce on the feral nature she had possessed in those moments.

For now, all Sakura had was the screaming and the voice that whispered for her to baptize the ground with blood.

Crimson stained fingers reached out slowly towards the petrified kunoichi. Sakura didn't even make contact with Kin, rather the strange electricity jumped off pale fingertips and slammed into her jaw, leaving a strange scorched marking in the process as Kin crumbled to the floor and flopped around like a fish out of water.

With every passing second, the screaming would get louder, and the louder the scream the louder the voice became. For a moment, Sakura was almost certain whoever the voice belonged to was standing behind her, whispering the malicious propositions directly into her ears as fridged finger gripped her shoulders like talons.

_You cannot escape._

Slowly, Sakura turned towards the last member of the Sound-Nin. Her markings shifted every few seconds; if they reached the final stage she knew for sure there would be no returning. The darkness that was once a small pool at the bottom of Sakura's heart was spreading like a slow killing cancer. Soon it would consume her until there was nothing left but a shell.

_End it. Kill him, kill them all. Killkillkill **killkil** -_

"Sakura-chan?"

The Pinkette froze mid-step, muscles tense like a snake coiled and ready to strike.

She tilted her head to the side and caught sight of startlingly bright azure eyes that stared at Sakura with such an innocent sort of affection that she could pinpoint the exact moment something inside of her snapped back into place like a rubber band. All at once the screaming and voice stopped and all that was left was a strange, hollow silence.

Naruto was sitting up on his knees beside Sasuke, who was clutching the blondes high-collared jacket with white knuckles. Both of her teammates were watching Sakura wearily as the markings recended, and when she collapsed to her knees they were both instantly there, two sets of hands hovering with uncertentily as the electricity burned into her skin before vanishing with a painful jolt.

Sakura felt numbness spread through her, starting from her fingers and her toes and move toward her heart.

Everything turned blindingly white, and the screaming started again.

.

.

.

tsuzuku

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a dark(ish) AU that goes from the exams onward, and the further this gets into the story the more things will change. That being said I skim over some of the more bland spots of the exam because there isn't much I change for with them right now. Hang in there, in the coming chapters there will be big things on the way.
> 
> Question for this chapter: What would you all like Sakura to learn in the future?


	4. Her Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “War does not determine who is right — only who is left.”   
> ― Anonymous
> 
> Chapter Warnings: Brief descriptions of light gore and violence.

In My Heart | Her Darkness

"Paint it black." The voice whispered.

_[If I Live]_

When Sakura woke up, she wasn't where she expected to be.

_I thought I was done with this place?_

A blackened landscape surrounded the girl, the only difference was that she sat atop that awfully thick liquid that had nearly drowned her earlier. The water rippled as Sakura slowly stood; someone was screaming in the distance. She wasn't sure where the urge came from, but her instincts screamed for her to go forward, and so the teen did.

Sakura walked.

And walked.

And walked.

She walked until the screaming became louder and the surface she was standing upon became disgustingly sticky and thick, she went for miles on end and didn't stop until she found an ancient tree that was bleached bone white. It stood so high she couldn't see the top of it, and at the base sat a little screaming girl. A little girl that looked exactly like Sakura, the only difference was there was no color anywhere. Everything was varying shades of black and gray.

The screams cut down to Sakura's core, gooseskin rising as she struggled to find a reason to ask the child what was going on, but words were failing her. That was odd, Sakura never had an issue with words before, unless it involved Sasuke-kun. "Why are you screaming?"

The girl snapped her mouth shut and turned to glare at Sakura. Something black was sliding down both her pudgy cheeks and for the life of her Sakura couldn't make sense of the situation.

"Why are you crying?" That seemed like a better question. The girl stared at her with startlingly large eyes, and her lips trembled. Sakura was assaulted suddenly with the bitter realization that this little girl was not just a look alike but was in fact, her. It was odd, to be staring at someone who you had only heard for as long as you could remember. For some reason, Sakura expected Inner to be...older.

"I took it all." Inner whimpered, one of her small, chubby hands was gripping her shoulder fiercely. It was odd, the black liquid that was seeping through her fingers looked an awful lot like the tears on her face. "All of what?" Her usually fast mind was moving at a slug's pace.

"The pain, but I couldn't stop the poison." Inner shook her head slowly, and Sakura's brows furrowed.

"What poison?" She snapped, her patience collapsing in the face of all this confusion. Inner frowned slowly, uncertainty clouding her eyes for a moment before she let out a soft sigh. "You can't see it?" And that's when Sakura realized several things in quick succession.

The roots of the tree Inner sat against were slowly growing around her small frame, wrapping her up and holding her captive, and strange markings were spreading across the girls form until she was fully enveloped in them.

Then the world suddenly had color.

There was blood, so much blood. It dribbled down the cracks and crevices of the great tree. The floor was completely made up of a crimson pool, and the tears, well those weren't tears at all. Horror drove deeper into Sakura than ever before, and she stumbled back. Feet sticking to the foul ground the teen went down hard. She couldn't move; the Pinkett was sinking.

"The poison is the hate and darkness," Inner whispered, bright vermilion bubbled up past her pale lips. Sakura could see her veins beneath the markings, they were turning black. Thin limbs fought harder to stay above the surface, but it was almost near impossible. The further she sank the more the revolting floor seemed like quicksand, there would be no escape, no matter how hard Sakura fought she was stuck.

"I can hold it until you find me again, but for now you'll be stuck with _him_." Inner smiled around the blood, her eyes were turning black too.

Sakura thrashed around harder, but there was nothing left for her to do. Jerking one pale arm free, the teen reached a blood soaked hand towards Inner. Hopelessness was setting in like teeth to the neck. Her airways were closing off as her panic grew and expanded until she was being suffocated. Sakura had to get out, this couldn't be happening; Inner had been with her for as long as she could remember, and now she was being subjected to watch the shadow of herself wrapped up in a casket of roots.

"Don't lose yourself, Sakura-chan."

_[If I Live]_

_._

_._

_._

"Paint it red." The voice hissed.

.

.

.

.

.

_[If I Live]_

No one had really stuck around after Sakura passed out. Dosu handed off his scroll before he dragged his broken team away into the forest, and while the Hyuga had loitered long enough to stare at Sakura for a few seconds and throw a roll of bandages at Sasuke, he also ran with his team. Ino's team stayed long enough for Shikamaru to shove a spare mesh shirt and standard ninja pants at the pair of boys before he hauled a reluctant Ino and distracted Choji away. After Sasuke tried his best to destroy the evidence of the skirmish that took place, they loaded a lax Sakura onto Naruto's back and also took to the trees in hopes of finding a more suitable place to regroup.

After a few hours, they did manage to find a river and set up camp. It was then that Sakura woke up.

The young girl jerked upright, sea foam eyes darted in every direction as pale, shaking hands flew down to her weapons pouch.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto yelped, jumping to his feet as an eager smile spread across his tan cheeks. "Are you ok?!"

The girl in question stared dumbly at the blonde for a solid minute, before she blinked slowly and shutters went up behind her eyes; Sakura gave a small nod. "Aa," She whispered, voice hoarse. "I think I am."

"I believe you passed out from chakra exhaustion." Sasuke piped up from behind the pair. His arms were full of a pile of rather thin pathetic looking sticks, which was surprising given the size of the forest Team 7 was currently dwelling within. The Uchiha threw them into the small fire Sakura just realized was in the center of the makeshift camp.

"Naruto and I are going to go fishing to get us some food, there's a secluded bit of the river over there." He nodded behind them, towards the bushes. "You can clean up there, there are spare clothes in your bag." Suddenly, Sasuke and Naruto both looked very uncomfortable and for a moment Sakura thought it was because her clothes were covered in blood and singed looking.

"There are bandages with the clothes, so you can wrap any wounds." Sasuke abruptly spun around, snatched Naruto up by the collar of his jacket, and dragged the boy a decent distance away. "Shout if you need anything."

Sakura stiffly stood and grabbed her bag before moving towards the area her raven haired teammate pointed out.

Sure enough, the river broke off to a small pull of water that was deep enough to go up to Sakura's chest and big enough to fit at least two people comfortably. She wasted no time stripping out of the rank clothes and all but jumped into the cold, clear water. From there, the teen spent a painstakingly long time cleaning herself, her movements were slow, jerky, and distracted.

Her shoulder throbbed to the beat of her heart, and while the mark itself wasn't quite causing Sakura pain, the throbs were more than uncomfortable and she felt that if she moved the wrong way in the slightest, or pulled on just a whisp of her chakra, the pain would be unbearable. Needless to say, the Pinkett wasn't eager to test her theories. So instead, she cleaned the dried blood and sweat from her body, ran tense fingers through uneven candyfloss teases until all of the knots were gone, and then she got out.

There was so much swirlingly around in her head, she couldn't seem to focus on one thing but Sakura felt that if she didn't find a way to ground herself soon she would lose control again. Quickly wrapping her chest with the bandages before slipping on the mesh shirt, the girl ignored the blood that wouldn't seem to wash off her hands. She also had to wrap the ankles of the black Ninja pants, they were too long for her short frame.

That left Sakura with just enough to wrap her arm (the one she had elbow deep in someone's chest but she was _not thinking about that_ ) the skin from her fingers halfway up to her elbow had weird bruises and shallow cuts from the strange lighting she had channeled- (the stuff that was as black as night and cold as ice and _that cut through that boy like he was paper_.) -but Sakura was not thinking about that right now, she was counting backward from one hundred instead.

_[If I Live]_

No one talked about what happened.

Sakura was sure it was because Sasuke was dragging Naruto away everytime the boy tried to bring up the subject, and in a way she was grateful. Sakura had heard one voice her entire life and never told anyone about it, she certainly wasn't about to tell anyone about this new voice.

**_Maybe you are going insane?_ **

The girl twitched, and nearly missed the branch she jumped to. If either of the boy's noticed they didn't say anything.

 _ **It's not just voice's, is it Sakura-chan?**_ She ground her teeth and refrained from squeezing her conflicted emerald eyes shut. The shadow that was keeping up with her - right next to her left side - wasn't a person, and it wasn't a genjutsu. There was something wrong with her, she realized, there seemed to be a constant trickle of foreign chakra running through her system because of this strange mark. Sakura could feel her reserves carving themselves out to deepen, but her body couldn't quite keep up with the overflow and as result, her usual perfect chakra control was crumbling.

"Sakura, did you hear what I said?" Sasuke's voice broke her concentration, and she did miss a branch this time.

**_Oh look, you're falling._ **

Sakura blinked as the ground came closer at an alarming rate, but before she could land in a graceless heap the girl felt strong arms wrap around her waist, and the landing - while it still jarred her shoulder painfully, was much more gentle than what it could have been.

"You should be more careful," Kabuto mumbled close to Sakura's ear, making the girl jerk back. The way the pair had fallen was a bit awkward, though the silver haired boy had originally landed on his feet, the extra weight made him fall back, and Sakura was sprawled against his chest.

"Let go." She huffed, cheeks taking on a pink hue.

 ** _Be careful of this one._** The voice cooed, and Sakura found herself tensing. She weakly threw herself back away from Kabuto, who looked mildly surprised.

"Sakura-chan!" Two thuds landed on either side of the fallen girl, both armed and ready for a fight, but Kabuto merely raised his hands in surrender before he stood up slowly.

"Relax," He warned. "I'm not looking for a fight, I was just trying to help."

"Help how?" Sasuke ground out, as Naruto helped Sakura to her feet.

"Look, I don't want any problems." Kabuto lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug before he pulled out two scrolls. "I already have what I need to pass this exam, no point in stealing from newbies."

The next few minutes were tense ones, but Kabuto merely turned down any chance of a fight with a chuckle and the offer to help the team find a scroll instead. So they took to the trees once more in search of a team to find. The plan was to ambush someone near the tower but naturally, nothing went as planned for team 7.

_[If I Live]_

**_If I were you, I would move._ **

Five seconds. Kabuto latched onto Sakura while Sasuke grabbed Naruto; they all fell.

The tree behind them exploded.

 _Paperbombs on the tree._ Sasuke winced as the debris blew towards the two boys, the strength of the explosion sent both of them hurtling to the ground at alarming speeds. Naruto had just enough time to summon some clones to soften the blow (as much as falling on a hundred Naruto's could soften a landing) then instantly had to dive in another direction before the tree the pair landed next to exploded as well.

Five seconds.

Kabuto retreated a distance with Sakura who had gone oddly still in his arms as explosions shook the forest. He held her carefully before noting her eyes were closed. Was she talking to herself? Ah well, he didn't have time to dwell on that because _everything was blowing up._

Kunai were raining down on Naruto and Sasuke and before either of them could make another hasty retreat the ground crumbled beneath them. They wouldn't make it if they didn't move fast-

(Two from above, one below, there was no escape.)

-everything went white as an explosion blasted the two boys away. Kabuto swung himself and Sakura behind a tree just in time.

Silence, there was silence.

**_No, there will never be silence for you._ **

Sakura watched as her team _blew up up up upup **upupup**_ and someone was screaming (It was her) as the world turned red.

She was overcome with emotion, waves of guilt, hate, fear, and a mind crushing sorrow crashed over her like waves to a shore and there was no stopping it. There was no time to pause and think, there were only five seconds.

_Five seconds to be afraid._

Thunder rumbled as Sakura shot forward, pinpointing the exact positions of her attacks by chakra alone. She could feel the mark spreading, taking in her tidal wave of emotions and feeding off them.

**_Kill them all._ **

Everything was red and Kabuto found himself more surprised than he had been in quite some time.

_(Lungs aching, pulse thundering, she could barely manage shallow gasps of breath. She could hold it in, just a little longer.)_

_._

_._

_._

tsuzuku

* * *

**_Preview_ **

"Do you know what you're doing, Naruto?"

"What kind of question is that?!" There was a pause, "I never know what I'm doing!"

His smile was blinding and rather infectious.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things you might want to know:
> 
> Why is Sakura going insane?
> 
> I can't give too much away on this, but I can say it will be revealed later in the story. Just keep in mind the origins of Cursed Seals and the fact that the one she received was more or less a complete test. I can't make up for the plot hole much that is "Why would Orochimaru give Sasuke a dangerous curse seal when he wants him so bad?" but what I can say is that all Orochimaru knew about the seal he made was that it was powerful. Seeing as he wanted Sasuke as powerful as possible I don't think he would have cared much, and if he hadn't lived then surely he wouldn't be a strong enough host for Orochimaru anyway, I think I can get away with it, ne?
> 
> ! The most amazing artist I have the pleasure of knowing has agreed to make me a cover for this story under commission! I am so so siked to see how it turns out and you all should go take a gander at her art! Her user tag online is Shubbabang and you all can find her on Tumblr, Twitter, Patron, and she does streams on Twitch which I am almost always watching! All you have to look up is 'Shubbabang' to find her. Her commissions are currently open as well! !
> 
> The Rolling Stones - Paint It, Black is the unofficial official song for this chapter.
> 
> The 'Five Seconds' stuff was a tribute to She Rises by Paradisical815. It's an amazing Batman story!
> 
> Give me support please! I love comments or kudos to know I don't totally suck!


	5. Live Today | WIn Tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace."  
> ― Chuck Palahniuk
> 
> Chapter Warnings: Brief descriptions of light gore and violence.

Live Today | WIn Tomorrow

"Good thinking, getting away with clones," Kabuto noted.

Four Ninja stood in a demolished clearing. Sasuke and Naruto supported one another (Naruto's arm was badly bruised and Sasuke's ankle was twisted, but otherwise they were unscathed) while Sakura stood beside Kabuto, who was re-wrapping her injured arm.

Behind them sat two bound men, the third member of the foreign team was nothing but a gory mess in the distance. No one looked at the body, no one mentioned the blood on Sakura, all that mattered was that Team 7 now had a scroll and if they got to the Tower fast enough they would pass.

"I'll help you bunch get the rest of the way there, we're all a little beat up so it's better to travel as a group, ne?" Kabuto smiled at the kids. His own arm was wrapped.

"Aa,"

"Great, here Naruto-kun I'll help carry Sasuke-kun the rest of the way." Kabuto stepped away from Sakura and the three boys tried to arrange themselves in a more comfortable position for the journey ahead.

Sakura moved in a daze, following behind them all as a cold nestled deep into her bones; the young girl was worried she would never be warm again.

**_It's okay Sakura-chan, you did the right thing._ **

(A pale arm was sticking out of the girl's chest and brilliant blue eyes stared at her with such horror and surprise it was nauseating to think that a part of her was howling with joy as the girl  **screamed** -)

**_The weak don't deserve to live._ **

(-and there was so much blood, she felt phantom breath on her neck and Sakura could see the shadow in the corner of her eye, telling her to finish the girl off, to rip out her heart-)

**_You destroyed her beautifully._ **

(-this is not who she is, it's the weird mark, it's all because of that man. She is not a monster.)

It was a real shame for the girl, her eyes had been so pretty.

(For as long as she could remember she had lived life with the sun in her eyes, blinding and bright and shining so strongly she was blind, she had hated it. Now she realizes, as she sits in alone in the dark, how horribly wrong she was.)

_[If I Live]_

"Before I tell you all what the third exam entails," Eighteen genin stood at attention, curious eyes watching the Hokage's every move. "I am going to tell you the true purpose of these exams, so listen closely."

Sakura stood behind Naruto and Sasuke, her shoulders were hunched and the girl dug her nails into the side of her neck, covering the mark with the palm of her hand. All of the rookie genin from the village had made it through, along with a team from Suna and Sound. Six teams had passed, in total.

Zaku's team did not make it, and Sakura tried very hard to not think about what that meant.

The true purpose of the exams ended up being a rather grim subject. Ninja chosen as champions to fight for the pride of their nation, showcase skill sets and talent, and to overall show how much military strength each village held, all under the ruse of building a friendship between villages.

"Preliminary rounds?" Sasuke hissed, clearly agitated. "No one mentioned anything about that."

Naruto was staring back at Sakura, his expression that was worry and Sakura found it hard to meet his eyes, they were almost the same color as that girl's eyes.

"Sakura-chan," He said, gaining Sasuke's attention. "If you don't think you can make it you can withdraw, we would underst-" Sasuke cut him off with a harsh shove to the shoulder.

"She can do this." The boy snapped. "She isn't dropping out."

Naruto glared hard at his rival, eyes flashing. "Sakura-chan can make her own choices, you bastard." He hissed lowly.

In half a second each boy had the shirt of the other in a tightly clenched fist, battles raging in their eyes it looked as if an actual fight would start before Sakura interrupted, voice subdued and eyes downcast.

"I'll be fine, stop fighting." She mumbled, right as Kabuto declared he was unfit to fight any longer and broke away from the remaining Ninja.

Attention diverted elsewhere, Naruto released Sasuke and started shouting questions at the silver haired man as he retreated. Sakura twitched slightly, a pang of pain spreading down her arm and to her fingertips, but she ignored it in favor of setting her mind to the task at hand. She would have to find a way to get through the round without her chakra, or else she was at risk of calling on the power that the mark provided.

The young girl was so absorbed in trying to come up with a plan she missed the golden orbs that tracked her every move.

"Now then," The Hokage paused to cough, "The first round shall begin if you all will turn your attention to the screens, we will see who is starting."

The crowd grew quiet and turned as one, all eyes were on the screens as names flashed too quickly to read.

_Yoroi Akado vs. Sakura Haruno_

"Everyone other than Haruno and Akado please proceed to the viewing stands."

There was an odd moment of silence only broken by the footsteps of the other teens as they made way across the arena and up the stairs. Besides Sakura, her team hesitated.

"You can do it," Sasuke said tensely before he dragged the blonde idiot away.

Sakura shifted from foot to foot awkwardly as she suddenly found her mouth very dry, as if she had attempted to eat sand. Swallowing hard, the young girl faced her opponent.

Yoroi snorted, clearly amused. "I have to fight some kid with pink hair?" He paused, giving her a once over. "She looks like she about to kneel over." The boy chuckled. The girl in question hunched her shoulders slightly, eyes narrowing.

Logically, she knew there would be no good way for this to end, she knew nothing about her opponent despite both of them hailing from the same village, he was clearly a few years her elder and with a cold kind of realization, Sakura noted he probably had reason to be confident.

The proctor gave the order to begin, and Yoroi burst forward, hands glowing blue as he declared that he would end this quickly - for her sake.

**Kill.**

Sakura dove to the side at the last second, rolling across the concrete whilst ignoring how her skin scraped on the hard surface uncomfortably, she dodged sluggishly. How could she possibly fight if her body was so weak? The damn mark was sapping her energy, there was no way she could win.

The man dove towards her once again, to which Sakura all but threw herself out of the way. She landed hard on unprotected palms, hissing in pain she was not ready in the slightest when Yoroi kicked her in the ribs and sent her tumbling across the cold ground.

_I have to make it through! Sasuke-kun and Naruto can't be the only ones to pass!_

He was there in an instant, hand wrapped around her throat, so enamored with the idea of victory that he missed when her eyes suddenly went from emerald to a shade of green so dark they were nearly black. The mark on her neck flared to life, much to Sakura's horror.

**Fight.**

"I'm going to suck every last drop of chakra out of your useless body," He hissed, enjoying the pain he was causing so much he missed when she reached into her pouch and pulled something out.

_I can't lo **se here**._

The arena exploded in smoke, blocking the viewpoint for the crowd and effectively blinding her opponent.

"Stop playing!" He hissed, sending chakra to his feet and jumping above the cloud, Yoroi landed safely outside of the smoke looking smug. "You can't attack with me out here." He laughed.

A bony elbow slammed into the middle of his back, sending him flying back into the smoke. "Good thing I was out here too." She mumbled, before jumping in after him.

The crowd watched in tense silence as the smoke slowly cleared.

Yoroi appeared to be on top of Sakura, both hands on her neck and he hunched over her fallen form.

"The winner of round one is-" a faint crackle could be heard as hair stood on end. Something flashed between the two teens bodies and then Yoroi toppled over, a scream of agony ripping it way through his throat before he stilled, chest barely moving.

**Win.**

There was silence -  _ **But never for you**_ \- and then...

"The winner of round one is Haruno Sakura."

Medic-nin swarmed in, lifting both teens onto stretchers. Kakashi vanished from the stands just as the next names came up on the screen.

_Uchiha Sasuke Vs. Uzumaki Naruto_

_._

_._

_._

tsuzuku

* * *

Question for this chapter: What is your favorite animal? Other than the norm (as in dogs, cats, and f

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear readers, let me apologize in advance for the length it took for my to get out this chapter, the more or less rushed fight in this chapter, and the overall shortness of the chapter. This one was rather painful for me to write, and so it sat in my queue with my glaring at it for quite some time before I finally bit the bullet and threw it out for you all. That being said, please note that this story does NOT have a Beta, therefore there will be mistakes by the handful. Don't waste either of our time pointing out my painful grammar, trust me when I say I've used every form of online spell check one can whilst re-reading my chapters an almost painful amount of times. There comes a point where one has to simply say 'fuck it' and post the chapter, mistakes be damned.
> 
> On the bright side of me taking so long on one otherwise simple chapter, it's given me time to iron out details and plan ahead for the future of this story, all exciting things I promise, so please bear with me.


	6. Win Tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The curse mark gets sealed, Kakashi get's harassed, and Naruto surprises just about everyone (including the writer)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear readers, let me start off by saying your encouragement on this has not been overlooked! In the last few months I've had to deal with health issues and job issues and potential homelessness, and so writing has been a bit outlet for me, I just haven't had the chance to update the actual chapters. That being said a lot of this story is written and planned out, it just needs corrections and then posting. Thank you so much for your continued support! That being said, please note that this story does NOT have a Beta, therefore there will be mistakes by the handful. Don't waste either of our time pointing out my painful grammar, trust me when I say I've used every form of online spell check one can whilst re-reading my chapters an almost painful amount of times. There comes a point where one has to simply say 'fuck it' and post the chapter, mistakes be damned.
> 
> On the bright side of me taking so long on one otherwise simple chapter, it's given me time to iron out details and plan ahead for the future of this story, all exciting things I promise, so please bear with me.

 

* * *

"There is nothing like a dream to create the future."  
― Victor Hugo

* * *

Sakura sat before her senesi, hunched over in pain. Her top had been discarded, leaving her only in her chest bindings and the slightly baggy pants. Modesty was forgotten as the mark on her shoulder fluctuated dangerously.

"Kakashi-sensei," Sakura gasped out, fighting the urge to claw at her neck as he carefully withdrew, the seal was fully drawn out and ready to be completed.

The older man ignored how her voice changed with the seal as it attempted to take over.

"I know Sakura-chan," He spoke gently, "It'll be over soon."

The sealing itself was excruciating. Sakura screamed her heart out as the cursed mark fought against the seal, trying to find a lapse of weakness in it to break free. There were none.

In the end, she collapsed, breath coming in hard gasps as everything dimmed and blurred.

"Ah, so it's been sealed?" Fear shot down the young girls spin at the sound of an all too familiar voice, but she could do little other than move from where she'd fallen. Numbness prickled at the end of her limbs, slowly spreading, all she could do is flicker barely open eyes up to meet golden orbs.

Orochimaru smiled, and Kakashi all but crouched over Sakura's fallen form, killer intent oozing from the ragged man.

"Oh?" The Sannin laughed cooly. "What could you possibly do to stop me Kakashi-kun?"

"I'll fight, I'll die if I have to, but you won't touch her." Lightning was born from Kakashi's anger, dancing across his arm as the noise of birds chirping filled the air. "I'll drive this through your che-"

He choked off at the end, a strange, guilt-ridden expression shining through behind the mask.

"Chest?" Orochimaru laughed again as the color drained from Kakashi's face. "You are an expert at that, aren't you Kakashi-kun?" He took a slow, deliberate step forward, his sandals scrapping on the ground eerily.

Kakashi let out a near-feral snarl.

"No worries old friend, I won't take her today." Orochimaru was too calm in a situation that could escalate at any the drop of a pin. "I want the full set."

Molten orbs connected to Sakura's dimming vision, and her head swam as he was suddenly crouched over her, Kakashi staggering in the background where the pale man had stood only seconds ago.

A body substitution? Sakura noted dimly as her sluggish mind fought to race across all the possibilities, how on earth had he managed that?

"You are going to be brilliant," He murmured, cool hands fretting over her hair and across her burning shoulder, soothing the pain as he went.

Kakashi charged right as Sakura finally gave in and slipped away to darkness.

Her last thought swam around how surprisingly gentle Orochimaru had been.

_[If I live]_

Naruto and Sasuke stood across from each other, grim-faced.

"I didn't think I'd be fighting you so soon, Naruto."

The blonde in question nodded slowly and looked almost uncertain.

"Your ankle…" Sasuke frowned at the open-ended question and shook his head once. Naruto seemed to be able to read his expression and nodded solemnly.

"If you are both ready," The proctor coughed, "Begin!"

Neither boy moved, the crowd shifted anxiously.

"You need to pass, right Sasuke-teme?" The Uchiha looked startled at the sudden knowledge that was shining in Naruto's eyes. "In order to make your dream...your ambition a reality..right?"

Sasuke had gone very still at this, eyes hard, shoulders hunched.

"We'll help," Naruto rushed on suddenly before his friend could go on the defense. "No matter how far we have to go, how long it takes, we'll be with you every step of the way, Sakura-chan and me!" The teen finished almost breathless, the need for his teammate and best friend to understand how far he'd go for him appearing in the almost fervent gaze he held.

There was another pause as Sasuke considered these words. He could almost see it, though the vision itself was far off and fuzzy. He knew they were all heavy hitters in their own ways, and depending on how they trained in the years to come is how the team would come together.

However, if he really thought long and hard about it, he could see the three of them - maybe four if he could count in Kakashi - hunting down  _Him_  together. Naruto and Sakura helping when needed but otherwise there as a support system when he took down the last living member of his family.

Or did he have a new family of sorts? Was Itac- was  _He_  wrong? Would Sasuke really have to live in his hatred in order to grow stronger? Could he really rely on Naruto and Sakura?

...Sakura...that was right, they needed to hurry to get to Sakura.

Naruto was shaking as he watched the shadow of understanding flash in Sasuke's onyx orbs, a wide grin slowly spreading across his face.

"I can put my dream on hold," Naruto went on, eyes wide with the possibilities. "We'll grow strong together, all three of us, and when we get back from fulfilling your ambition I'll be Hokage, and you can revive your clan and Sakura-chan...we'll help her with whatever her dream is too."

"I don't want to fight you when we're both injured and exhausted, and definitely not when our teammate needs us." Naruto squared his shoulders, his trademark, sunbeam smile suddenly breaking forth and lighting up the room.

Sasuke's eyes widened as Naruto walked forward five paces, though him never tensing for an attack seemed to be a testament to the bonds that had formed in such a short amount of time.

He reached forward, caught Sasuke's lax hand in his own, and formed the symbol for 'Harmony' one would normally make after a spar. The silent promise of their actual fight in the future was there.

"I forfeit, believe it!"

_._

_._

_._

tsuzuku

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question for this chapter: Coolest jutsu you can think of?
> 
> Bit of a short chapter, I know. But it's better than no chapter, ne?
> 
> (end with a boom or a bang)


	7. Train Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Imagine cold hands up to your throat
> 
> the thought alone makes you swallow your hope."
> 
> ― From The Ground, Hollywood Undead

Sakura woke up in a hospital room, the white walls near blinding as she blinked.

There was a nightmare hovering in the back of her mind, she was sure of it, but for now, it was gone. There wasn't silence though.

A static like noise could be heard reverberating in her head, bouncing around and giving her a pounding headache, she thinks someone is saying something, but it's like the radio isn't tuned quite right, and so she can't hear them.

There are flowers on her bedside table and a change of clothes in the chair beside them. That means her parents have come.

Picking up from her sensei's bad habits, Sakura tiredly pulls on the outfit that had been left - dirt brown pants and a lime green shirt with the clan symbol on the back, but no shoes, that had probably been her father then - the slim girl is one leg out the window when the door to her room slides open and in walks her sensei and the Hokage of all people.

There's an awkward beat of silence - except for that static that's quite annoying - and then the Hokage actually laughs.

"Er…" She carefully pulls her leg back into the room and blushes sheepishly. "I was just, checking the weather," Sakura said lamely, and Kakashi snorted, which he covered with a cough.

"I do hope your students haven't adopted all of your...quirks, Kakashi." Sarutobi chuckled.

"Not yet," Kakashi ran a hand through his grey hair and smiled.

"I'm sorry, but what happened?"

The two older men exchange a wary look before Kakashi steps forward to explain.

"Well, Naruto-kun and Sasuke-kun were paired against each other for their round-" Sakura sputtered, eyes bulging as she took in the possibilities of how that match could have ended, but Kakashi plowed on. "Naruto forfeited, he won't be going on to the third round."

Sakura's mouth shut with an audible click.

"We sealed the cursed mark, so it shouldn't be too much of a hindrance." Her sensei paused and shifted awkwardly. "You'll be fighting Neji in the third round, Sakura."

If she had been pale before she was paler now. Neji was a top rookie and brutal child genius, she was a clanless nobody.

"I see," She said slowly, but the words tasted like ash in her mouth. "Who am I training with?"

If anything, the two men looked more uncomfortable than before.

"I'll be training Sasuke," Kakashi said slowly, and Sakura felt like she'd been punched in the chest, of course, he'd pick Sasuke, it was always either Naruto or Sasuke, never her. She just wasn't strong enough for him to bother with.

The static in her head took an ear-splitting pitch as Sakura felt resentment swarm in her chest. A wall of voices raised up and screamed in unison- weak weak weak weak wea-

"Sakura-chan, if you'd be willing I'd like to train you when possible." The Hokage spoke, cutting through the static and noise, and her hunched shoulders relaxed slowly.

"Is that even allowed?" She asked in a small voice, and the Hokage laughed.

"Not technically," He winked, "But we don't have to tell anyone, now do we?"

"Of course, I'm very busy, so training will only be when I'm available, but we have a month and other willing teachers to step in when I cannot, you're not alone Sakura." The Hokage's voice was more soothing than she thought actually possible, and so she found herself nodding along.

"Meet me tomorrow at dawn in training ground 43, you must be fully dedicated Sakura." She twitched but nodded confidently. Training ground 43 was usually reserved for ANBU, it was a tad baffling why he'd send her there of all places, but Sakura figured it'd be the most secure place for them to train.

With a nod at her and Kakashi, Sarutobi made his exit, leaving strained teacher and student standing awkwardly.

"Well...Gai has agreed to train you in your off time if you're willing, Neji is pursuing personalized training with his clan for the exams, so…" Kakashi trailed off, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"He said he'll meet you by the Kage Mount at noon tomorrow," He paused for a moment, shifted uneasily and then- "Good luck, Sakura-chan" He was gone in a swirl of leaves that littered the room.

Sakura stared at the empty spaces once filled and felt resentment flood her once more. There was a roaring in her ears and a burst of chakra shook the room, making her stumble back in surprise. She hastily jumped out the window and took the Ninja routes home.

Sakura didn't notice the small crack in the seal surrounding the Cursed mark.

[If I Live]

She rose well before dawn the following day.

Sleep seemed near impossible with the commotion in her head and so instead of getting any rest - which Sakura honestly needed - she got up and got ready for the long day ahead.

An ice cold shower to fully wake up, Sakura paused at her reflection. Pink hair jaggedly cut, too pale skin, and bruising around her eyes from lack of sleep. The girl frowned and moved on to getting dressed.

She learned the hard way her pretty pink dresses wouldn't be practical, but until she made it to the market Sakura would have to make do with whatever she could pull out of her closet.

Unfortunately for her, she didn't have many Ninja worthy clothes and so she settled on her normal spandex shorts and a dull green t-shirt she used to garden in. Sakura decided she'd make it to the store by the end of the day for sure.

Sakura wasn't picking up Kakashi's habits, she really wasn't she swears - but on the way to meet the Hokage she'd run into an old woman who was lost and needed help home.

Of course, when she tried to explain this to the old man when she'd finally arrived, he simply waved her off with a chuckle.

"Of the three of you, one was bound to follow in his footsteps." He mumbled, before fully turning towards the training grounds.

An obstacle course was smack dab in the middle of it, and Sakura felt her stomach drop to her ankles. She had been the worse at this in the Academy, and this one looked dreadful

"Every day for the next month you'll be running the full course, once without chakra and once with so I can time the difference, the goal is to get your time below ten minutes by the end of the month, we'll be working on other things as well but," He paused for a brief cough. "You'll do this every morning for three hours, with or without me here."

Sakura could already feel the sweat forming, but she popped a salute and set to work.

She couldn't afford to fail.

[If I Live]

She fell into the mud pit - twice.

Without chakra, it had taken Sakura thirty whole minutes, and with charka a whopping twenty-five. To say she felt pitiful would be an understatement. She ran the course over and over for a full three hours with her Kage yelling instructions as she went, and by the end, the sun was burning upon her neck and she was covered in mud and sweat.

"Very good Sakura-chan, if you start at your lowest always remember that the only way to go is up." He peered at her for a long moment, before holding out a small sheet of paper.

"Chakra paper, so we can know what we're working with." Sakura hesitantly took the paper. She'd read about this before, you were supposed to channel chakra into the paper.

For a searing moment, she was terrified, what if she didn't get any feedback? What if she didn't have enough chakra to do any proper jutus?

Swallowing her fear and ignoring the painful twinge in her neck, Sakura carefully sent a tendril of her chakra into the paper. The clear paper heated up and blacked before it crumbled into nothing.

She stared at it with dull eyes, before turning to gage her new sensei's reaction.

Sarutobi looked pleased, for her to have two affinities was promising, and they were ones he could work with.

"Fire and Earth, a bit of a rare combination, but I have jutsu I can impart to you. I'll have some scrolls sent to your house for later use, in the meantime.."

The sun was shining down on her, and though Sakura was exhausted, she felt maybe she had a chance.

[If I Live]

Sakura finished training with the Hokage in time to meet up with Gai who was kind enough to provide her with a bento box for lunch. He'd said something about needing food to stay youthful but Sakura was too busy stuffing her face to really pay attention.

If she'd felt confident after her previous training this training made her feel hopeless. She was as slow as a turtle and the weights he'd given her didn't help at all.

"We need to heighten your stamina Sakura!" He cheered, "Come, let us run laps around the village until we collapse!"

In the end, Sakura was the only one to collapse.

It was six when Gai suddenly vanished, a purple haired woman taking his place.

Sakura blinked slowly, her exhausted mind taking a moment to process the proctor of the second exam was standing in front of her.

"A-Anko?" Sakura's face screwed up in confusion, but before she could question her further, Anko was in front of her, a kunai to her throat and fire in her eyes.

"He can't use you if you're dead." She sneered, and Sakura knew she had to move, she had to do something, but she was frozen.

There was a bubbling feeling in her mark, it was singing to fight back, to be unleashed, but Sakura clamped down on the urge and flinched back. The kunai drew blood, and the small girl clamped a hand over her mark.

"No!" She choked out, squeezing her eyes shut. "I won't let him use me! Even if I have to use the power he's given me against him…"

Sakura's eyes shot open, and she stared up with the Will of Fire shining in her.

"I will never allow myself to needlessly be someone's pawn!"

Anko stared at her for a moment longer, and then took a step back.

"Good, then we'll do exactly that."

"W-what?" Sakura stumbled further away and clamped a hand over her bleeding neck.

"I'm going to teach you to use that curse mark, so you can kill Orochimaru."

.

.

.

tsuzuku

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Sakura has fire and earth affinities. why? because I am the author and can do what I want, also I get bored of her only having water and earth. Change it up peeps, there's so much to work with. Anyway. Hokage is teaching her for reasons to be shown later. Gai is just a ball of sunshine, and Anko wants revenge. Dope teachers if you ask me.
> 
> Question for this chapter: What kind of clothing style would you have if you lived in the Naruto-verse?


	8. Of Children and Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We are children
> 
> We are children
> 
> We are-
> 
> Comrades."
> 
> ― Patrie

The sun is dipping low and red over the horizon of the fire country casting a fiery hue over the forests and streets when she finally makes it home. Sakura absently casts a look at the blood sun, and wonders if there will be a day when she can no longer bask in this sunset here in her home village.

Hauling her shopping bags into the empty house was harder than she thought possible, but it was probably due to a long days strain. Her muscles screamed in protest with every step.

Sakura's parents weren't home, but that was nothing new. After they both retired from active duty they took to the trade market like fish to water, rarely home once she came of age. They were usually home late at night and on weekends, but she doubted she'd see them much in the passing month.

 _It's better this way._  A darker part of her simmered.  _They'll only slow you down._

The young girl all but hurls her bags onto her bed before making a beeline for the shower. She was still very much so covered in the sweat and mud and grime of the day and needed a cold shower now more than ever.

Sakura yanks the stiff clothes off and throws them right into the trash bin, there was absolutely no point in trying to salvage borderline civilian clothing after a day of ninja training.

She stays under the cold spray long enough to get clean and let the water wake her up some before clumsily stumbling out of the shower and into her room. Sakura wrapped a towel haphazardly around herself before dropping down in front of her new purchases to organize them.

Buying new clothes had been the hardest, all the other tools had been simple.

Jounin-grade kunai, seven packs of shuriken, one bundle of senbon, a handful of assorted paper tags, about two packages of fresh wrappings that should last her roughly four weeks, and a brand new steel tanto she'd bought on a whim.

The clothing was much harder, Sakura knew now that she needed more practical clothes in order to be a good functioning ninja, she couldn't run around in dresses and skirts forever. So, in the end, Sakura got four sets of standard black ninja pants, four sets of spandex shorts, several t-shirts and sleeveless shirts made of water absorbent fabric, and two fishnet over shirts.

After the forest, the girl grew attached to the light airy feel of fishnet shirts, but these were steel enforced and woven for extra protection, they'd been a bit pricey but Sakura figured it'd be worth it. She finished it all off with a dark grey vest that had the red swirl patched onto the back, much like the Chunin and Jounin standard vests had, and new black Ninja sandals.

Her new outfits were much darker toned, the shirts ranging from grey to moss green, and burnt orange being the brightest. The color had clashed surprisingly with her hair, but it reminded her of Naruto.

Pulling the orange shirt in question on, Sakura shoved everything she hadn't packed up for later use to the ground and allowed herself to be consumed by sleep.

It's not a dreamless sleep, unfortunately, but when Sakura wakes at some ungodly hour in the morning it's surprisingly easy to push away the nightmares.

She changes quickly into one of her new shirts - dark brown in the hopes the mud won't stain it - and spandex shorts, new weights, and is out the door before even dawn.

The sun has yet to even begin to grace the sky with its presence and is just a distant grey thought upon the eastern horizon, and Sakura has so much to do she can't bring herself to care about lost sleep.

Instead, she grabs a modest breakfast on the way to the Library from one of the few vendors open this early (or late, whatever) and sets a schedule for the next month.

This is how the next few weeks go.

Sakura trains in a blur, early mornings spent in the Library researching any subject that catches her interest in the hopes she can use something in the competition, then she goes to train with her Hokage, he doesn't tell her how long she takes and she doesn't ask. Instead, she focuses solely on making it through the obstacle course as quickly and efficiently as possible, Sakura figures when he feel's she's met her goal he'll move on.

The afternoons are spent with Gai-sensei, working on new taijutsu forms, her overall stamina, and speed. Each week Sakura gets a new set of weights from the buoyant man.

Evenings are spent with Anko, surprisingly it involves a lot of meditation and focusing on the actual seal. She told Sakura in the beginning that the training was ordered by the Hokage and was, in whole, a secret to be kept.

Sakura didn't say anything to anyone, even the one who ordered the training, she didn't really have the energy to ask a billion questions anyway.

One week from the finals and the Hokage finally broke her normal training to teach her something new.

"Your stamina, speed, and overall strength have improved greatly in our short window of opportunity, I think it's time I teach you something you can actually use in battle."

Sakura had run the course in fifteen minutes three times in a row. It was a personal best and although she didn't meet her goal if she kept at it she could shave off another ten minutes, she was sure, but the chance to learn an actual jutsu sent her blood in a frenzy.

"This is Katon: Haisekishō, with this jutsu you can use chakra infused gunpowder, and then ignite it with your fire release, watch." He went on to spew the substance in subject, and then using a flint Sakura hadn't noticed he had in his mouth, the ash exploded spectacularly.

Something swam in Sakura's chest and it felt so much like hope the girl squeezed it tight and got to work. Neji would not win.

[If I Live]

Five days from the exam and Sakura was admiring the results of her training with Gai-sensei.

Where smooth barely visible muscle had once been was now pronounced, after a month of straining physical workouts and Sakura was starting to see the benefits, she had the beginnings of abs and the fine contour lines that one got at the forming of muscle was showing in her arms and legs.

She'd done away with the silly diet and was glad to be able to see the results and feel the energy actually eating gave her.

Sakura thinks, even if she doesn't win her round, she'll keep up the training after the exams. At this rate, she'll be a ninja in her own right.

[If I Live]

Three days from the exam and Sakura sat across from Anko, lost deep in her meditation.

Her reserves had been growing steadily over the last month, though Sakura thinks it's partly due to her cursed mark she doesn't voice her opinion.

Anko's training is by far the oddest and least of what she'd been expecting. After having Sakura meditate for several hours they'd move on to focus on her actually trying to draw on the seal. It was a slow gradual thing, but the young girl was grateful for the controlled environment.

In the end, Sakura could still only call on it when she felt she was in danger or when she lost control of her emotions, but she had a tad more control on that odd lightening now.

During her meditation Sakura never saw the image of Anko waver, she never saw the flash of grey or gleam of glass.

She never realized the snake sitting in front of her, waiting to strike.

[If I Live]

It was one day from the exam and Sakura and her Hokage sat by a stream. He had brought small bandages dipped in a burn ointment for around her mouth, Sakura had finally managed the jutsu itself, but it took a lot more than she realized to actually control the explosion.

She suffered from the minor miscalculation but as always her 'sensei' was there to help.

Sakura could feel the bond she had with Sarutobi growing every day, more so than with any of her other teachers, the old man actually cared about helping Sakura grow stronger and it meant the whole world to her.

"Sakura, can you tell me what you think the Will of Fire is?" He asked out of the blue that morning, turning wise eyes onto the startled young girl.

She pauses for a moment, considering, and thinks of bright blue eyes, declarations and youthful promises meant to be true until proven otherwise.

She thinks Sasuke-kun and his tired eyes, pale taunt skin and the vow of revenge always on the tip of his tongue, the desire for a blood payment to recall what was stolen from the village.

She thinks of a misty clearing, and the stench of blood in the air and her Sensei vowing in such a strong voice it cut to bone, he vowed to not let any of them die.

"I think," She starts slow, "It's different for everything. Everyone has different hopes, dreams, promises to keep, everyone has a different fire." Sakura frowned, pausing for a moment.

"I think the Will of Fire is what drives everyone, it's the inner strength..." She turns then to look up at Sarutobi, and what he sees is startling.

Sakura looks at him with ferrous eyes, a click of understanding shining in them.

Sakura thinks of that horrible forest, of blood on her hands and the instinct to protect even if it costs her, she thinks of soft pink hair trailing in the wind and pain that never leaves.

"Like becoming stronger to protect your precious people, your Nakama."

In a flash, the old man seems to see something he'd missed this whole time, but the surprise is gone as soon as it came, and a look of understanding takes place instead.

He's seen a lot of potential over the years, some wasted and some tainted, and through the young sapling before him had been tainted in her own right she was fighting it. Someday she would not only move mountains but destroy them, he was sure of it.

"Always remember Sakura, every part of the tree is important, from the darkest root to the smallest leaf and weakest branch, it all must be protected." There's a pause as Sakura scrambles to make sense of what's been said, but before she can think about it too hard he smiles.

"Tomorrow is a big day, go home and rest, I have faith that your Will of Fire will burn brightly tomorrow, make the tree proud Sakura-chan."

Sakura dimly realizes why people go to war for their Kage.

[If I Live]

It was the day of the exam, and Sakura moved in a daze.

She wrapped her chest and then donned one of the steel fishnet shirts, along with her standard black ninja pants, and the grey vest to top it off.

Looking in the mirror now was completely different from a month ago, sure she still looked pale, and Sakura had never really got around to fixing the jagged cut of her hair, but the muscle was visible and she felt better, more in control.

She felt like a Ninja.

_._

_._

_._

_tsuzuku_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next few chapters are the exams, get ready for some big shit kiddos.
> 
> Question for this chapter: What do you think will happen during the exam?


	9. Of Curses and Hate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Your purpose in life is to find your purpose and give your whole heart and soul to it"  
> ― Gautama Buddha

Sakura was - late.

It was Naruto's fault, not that Sakura was truly upset about that. After not seeing her joyful teammate she found herself oddly eager to spend time with him. When they finally arrived - Naruto splitting off towards the viewing stands with a cheerful wave and shout for luck - the proctor had squinted at her and cursed Kakashi under his breath.

"The other one is late too," He grunted, before turning towards the crowd.

"Stand proud you lot, today you are the victors of this exam."

The Exams go something like this.

Shikamaru is first, facing the female of Sand. After a long and drawn out battle the lazy boy forfeits anyway, but secretly Sakura thinks it was smart. He took the fight as far as he could and tapped out before he had a real chance to lose.

Kiba and Ino are paired against each other, Sakura had been surprised to see the pair there but then she remembers the team from Sound that had attacked team 7 in the forest and  _then_  Sakura pretends she doesn't remember.

Astonishingly, the fight ends in a draw, with Ino taking over Akamaru with her clans Ninjutsu and using Kiba's number one weapon against him - but not without paying the price. A double knockout.

After the Sand boy forfeits his fight with Shino, they call Sakura and Neji down.

Sakura heard second hand what had happened between Neji and Hinata during the prelims, she heard of Naruto's promise drawn in blood, and she feels rage.

"You should forfeit too," The boy says, "You have no hope to win here, destiny had deemed it so the moment you were paired against me."

Sakura shifts her weight from one leg to the other and smiles with too many teeth.

"Maybe," She murmurs, "Destiny chose me to  _shut you up._ "

And because Sakura doesn't quite like destiny, because she refuses to believe that it's something that can't be changed, she decides she will not lose this fight.

The proctor nods for them to start and Sakura moves before anyone can blink.

[If I Live]

"Watch closely, Hanabi," Up in the stands, the pale-eyed clan head of the Hyuga stares down at the pair. "There's no one in our clan that's inherited such a strong Kekkei Genkai."

The young child stares on in wonder, but behind them, a certain blonde haired boy scoffed loudly.

"Doesn't matter," He snaps, "Sakura-chan is going to  _thrash_  him."

And if Naruto grins a bit too ferally at this, Hiashi does an amazing job of hiding his discomfort.

[If I Live]

Sakura thinks it was pure luck and surprise that she landed the hit, she could tell by the widening of his eyes as she neared that Neji hadn't been expecting her to charge so quickly.

While he recovered she put space between then, sporting her own little feral grin.

"My teammate is the village's number one most knuckleheaded ninja, don't underestimate me!" Sakura can see from the tightening of his eyes, that he won't be doing that again.

"You won't land another hit." Neji spits, wiping the blood from his lips.

Sakura snapped off her arm weights and tossed them aside. The hundred pound weights slammed into the ground audibly, kicking up dirt as she darted forward. Even if she didn't take off her leg weights her arms would be faster to work with now at least.

The teens exchanged a flurry of hits, and after they broke away Sakura realized numbly that she was losing.

She kneeled down, breathing hard and glaring at the Hyuga.

"Do you see now?" Neji sneered, "You think you can win, that's absurd, I can see a lot with these eyes of mine, and one of the things I've seen is that people's limitations are set."

"Someone like you who can't do anything, who can't change, should stop wasting everyone's time because you will fail."

Sakura dove at him in rage, the battle picking up once more but it only lasted a few seconds before she had to retreat, clutching her left arm. He had missed her chakra point thankfully, but just barely.

"You are the weakest of the graduating class, aren't you?"

_[If I Live]_

_Sakura landed hard on her knees in the water, gasping for breath. Her Hokage stood before her, his hat and robe discarded for their spar._

_"Are you frustrated, Sakura-chan?" She didn't bother answering, trying to get air into her lungs seemed more important than another lecture at this point. "You may feel like you are the weakest, but if you hold onto that feeling it stands as proof that you haven't given up yet."_

_Sakura stood on shaky legs as he gestured her to charge him again._

[If I Live]

"Who are you to call me weak!" She snapped, trembling with rage.

Neji ignored her and carried on. "It's like your fool of a teammate, the one who vows to become Hokage," He stops for a short, harsh laugh. "Not just anyone can be Hokage, there is only one fate we all share, and it is  _death_."

Silence. Eerily loud silence as a breeze swept across the arena, rufflings trees and clothing alike. Sakura slowly rose to her feet.

" _You_ ," The whole girl's frame was shaking. "You don't say a word about my teammates, call me weak, tell me I'm bound to be a nobody, but  _never_  talk about him." By the end, Sakura was snarling and Neji was smirking.

Sakura formed hand seals with ease as if she'd practiced a hundred times - she had - and then gunpowder shot from her mouth right at Neji, who stumbled in surprise.

A murmur swept through the crowd as some Ninja present recognized the jutsu, eyes darting from their Hokage who sat upon the highest balcony and back towards the small, seething, pink haired girl.

Sakura grinned, snapped her fingers, and blew the arena up.

She still miscalculated a bit, apparently, because she was shoved back from the explosion, but Neji was the one that collided with the wall over twenty feet behind him. Sakura followed him quickly, not at all surprised when he rose just as easily, but before Sakura could get within hitting range-

"Rotation!"

She landed hard, gasping at the sudden loss of air in her lungs.

 _ **Such a strong one.**_  The girl shuddered violently as the voice her head decided to join the fight, she had gotten so good at ignoring it but not…

As it was, Sakura mostly ignored Neji bragging about the jutsu he just used and how she was in range, how she was going to fail, she was more interested in trying to calm her breathing and praying the seal wasn't about to-

Two palms.

Four palms.

Sixteen, and then-

Sakura, in a burst of panic, managed to spew a breath of gunpowder and ignite it in the same moment. The blast sent both teens flying.

[If I Live]

_Anko stared long and hard at the girl before her, eyes narrowed into slits._

_"Don't be afraid to use the seal, Sakura." She had said at last. "Don't reject what you fear."_

_Sakura wasn't sure how to do that, and when she thought of the forest - of blood under her nails and empty blue eyes and- no. She doesn't think she wants that._

[If I Live]

They rose at the same time, both breathing hard but not ready to quit, just yet.

"Just give up!" Neji suddenly said and had to nerve to look mad that she was actually fighting back. "What do you hope to gain? Your fate is set."

"Bullshit." Sakura spat blood to the side, "What's with your stupid fixation on fate and destiny, anyway?" She unconsciously placed a hand over the seal. It was burning, pleading to be used.

"The Hyuga clan…" Neji turned hate-filled eyes towards the stands above her head. "It's them, they...it's the heritage of hatred, the Cursed Mark Jutsu."

Sakura spasmed weirdly, nails digging into her neck. Neji wasn't looking, so he didn't notice.

"The mark is the symbol of a bird locked in its cage, the mark of those bound to a destiny they can never hope to escape." He pulled off his headband, and Sakura's breath caught, her hand going limp and falling away.

"I was four when I was branded with this jutsu."

And so, the Hyuga clan's sins were laid bare to all watching, and Sakura found herself feeling very, very ill.

"We have to live with the fear every day of them abusing the use of the seal, and only with death are we ever released from it."

Sakura's emotions were rolling, her neck searing.

"I get it, you lost your father, but this isn't destiny, that mark is not destiny." She shook her head, eyes shadowed. It couldn't be destiny, not for him, and not for her.

"You'll never understand what it's like to be marked like this, to be branded, and to never be able to wipe it away!" He snarled, and years later, Naruto would tell anyone who would listen that that was the exact moment that Neji lost the battle.

Sakura stood fully, eyes darkening as she charged at him, chakra building in her calves for speed but Neji met her halfway a chakra-infused strike aimed at her chest. Blood spewed from Sakura's lips, staining the bandages on the boy's hand and staining her clothes. Mind numbing pain erupted as her heart stuttered, and in that brief moment of weakness, Sakura's world went dark, the mark spreading from her neck and across her body until it hit the halfway point, black chakra pooling around her. Her closed gateways being forcefully reopened, and Sakura  _smiled._

She was only half there but she managed to cut off the seals progression (the voice was snarling with rage, begging to take over, to make them all bleed), and with a burst, she was in front of Neji.

Black lightning sparked between her fingers, and she grabbed his collar with one arm, lifting him up into the air she pulled back her fist-

"I'm not weak, and Naruto…" The lighting flew at Neji without her having to touch him, " _ **Will be Hokage!**_ "

The resulting explosion shook the ground.

At last, Neji lay on the ground before Sakura, twitching and spasming as the lighting temporarily paralyzed him.

"Why?" He choked out, looking at her with such conflicted eyes. Sakura was panting as she tried to push back down the mark, she had let her emotions consume her and tried to control the damned thing in her moment of blindness, and now it wasn't leaving. "How?"

She could feel the drain, the pull on her chakra, and it hurt.

"Because," She held back the moan of pain as her knees buckled, and she ended up almost on top of Neji. "I understand more than anyone what it's like to be cursed."

Green met milky white.

"I will always protect my precious people, doesn't matter if it's from someone or from what someone's said, and someday…" Sakura thinks of Naruto, Kakashi, and Sasuke, she thinks of how they've suffered, and her heart hurts. "Someday we'll end the curse of hatred."

Neji Hyuga looks at Sakura Haruno with wide eyes, taking in her candy floss hair and eyes the color of seafoam he saw once upon a time with his father. He takes in the strange markings littering her body and the dark chakra surrounding her. Neji takes in all of this and he knows without a doubt that she isn't lying.

Sakura is declared the winner as they cart Neji away.

Sasuke and Kakashi appear a second later, and from there all hell breaks loose.

_._

_._

_._

tsuzuku

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sakura borrowed Naruto's power to talk sense into people, pretty dope eh? Anyway, i suck at writing battles so yeah. Next chapter is going to be,,, Deep. So bring tissues.
> 
> @ my A03 peeps, soooooooooooo I like, forgot to update the 3 chapters I had updated on Fanfiction.net...yeahhhh, updates there are a lot faster, but can anyone say MASS UPDATE LOL. Anyway, I'm in college, so updates are slow and spontaneous, I'm so sorry.
> 
> Question for this chapter: How long do you thinks it takes for you to truly love someone?


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